shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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