PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize