third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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