You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize