if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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