my phone needs a breathalizer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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