i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
where am i from again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize