never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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