1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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