Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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