Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize