Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize