dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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