the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize