The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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