Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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