They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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