It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize