Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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