got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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