Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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