I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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