I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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