he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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