Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think people are normalizing furries
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Never underestimate the power of titties
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize