He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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