Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize