Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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