I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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