Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize