I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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