I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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