I look better un-naked...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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