I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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