I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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