Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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