who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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