just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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