let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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