There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
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he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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