what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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