I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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