I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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