It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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