It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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