You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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