Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Randomize