if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize