I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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