Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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